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Wherever you go, go with all your heart

Eternal happiness? October 16, 2009

Filed under: Warrior's contemplation — asianwarrior @ 10:31 pm


. . . . . . . . My cousin Alex is getting married at age twenty six. He has known Eva since their early college career. They are absolutely adorable together and I wish them the best. First marriage in my generation, Alex is the oldest of my cousins and first to get married. My other cousin Kockraoch( thats his nickname…ofcourse) is planning to get married in the coming year. It is such an eccentric feeling to see my closest family, my childhood playmate, and my ever lasting friend going through this life changing milestone. Six years, what is six years? Six years is how long it takes to finish middle school, to finish college plus grad school. Six years is how long WWII lasted. When Alex first met Eva, has he ever thought he will marry her six years later? Six years ago I was thirteen years old, second grade in middle school, studying hard for my high school entrance exam. Never would I expect myself in US for college. Where will I be six years later? Will I be in a graduate program that I am working hard for right now? Will Obama still be the president?  Will my brother be in China still? Will I look back to today and read this post and say to myself: wow…I have changed so much?

. . . . . . . . Time flies. Minute by minute, day by day. The way time abruptly disappears is breath taking. I want to scream, scream at the ocean, scream to the sky. Scream at the bewildered person in the mirror.

. . . . . . . . Life is a game, indeed. As a kid, I was a fan of Sims, a simulation game of life. Bought all the add-ons and devoted all my energy and time. One day I came to my senses and realized how naive I was. Why control my character to take a shower, do homework, read, eat, watch TV when I myself need to and am able to do that in real life? Complete irony. Since then I have lost all my enthusiasm for all types of computer games. I have the best game, its called life.

. . . . . . . In this game of life, I am under the jurisdiction of time. It forces me to tear off  new calender pages when I desperately glue them back. I can look ahead, I can only to look ahead. The excitement, the joy, the misery, and the hope, it belongs to the future. Nothing belongs to the past,  only memories and lessons to learn. So why look back? It disables you to look ahead. Looking back only means you long for the past. What good is it to look back and stop going forward? Past will not come back, but future is waiting, waiting to be created. Future will never give up on you, so don’t you dare give up on it.

. . . . . . . . What is my future? Get married, have kids, work, and die? There will be excitement, family drama, political chaos, lay offs, raises, wars, peace, love? I am grateful for my easy life, for having such an amazing family, such supportive parents,such wonderful friends, such fabulous country. Because of these, I enjoy my life, sincerely do. I cannot say that I will be happy in a different situation. I know I will not. Farmers in China, in India, even in US. Their kids will never get a decent education. They will not be able to afford college. They will be farmers, generation after generation. Yes, you can argue that since they have never been wealthy, they will be happy. They have never seen the real world, they will be fine with what they have. They can work their way, its a fair game. That is BULLSHIT.  I know I am lucky. I enjoy my life because challenges that I will otherwise face are removed, they do not exist. Indefinitely, I should live my life happily. Enjoy it, conquer it, triumph it.

. . . . . . . . What is my life? How do I conquer it? I want to be free. Free from stereotyping, free from the predetermined. I want to be successful. Successful in that I wake up everyday knowing I have done the right things, no regrets, only elation. I can see myself in six year. I will tell the future me: keep going, you are destined to do so, keep going forward.




2 Responses to “Eternal happiness?”

  1. Grace Says:

    Future will never give up on you, so don’t you dare give up on it.

    yeah~you are right~
    and i will never give up my dream to learn what i really like and go to where i want to go~

  2. Grace Says:

    Future will never give up on you, so don’t you dare give up on it.

    i really like this sentence~

    yeah, you are right, so i will never give up on my dream to learn what i love and go where i want to go!

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